I stood up and I said YES

Gregory and the Hawk is really beautiful.

I have picked up guitar, finally.

Virginia Tech. 

If you haven't heard, you need to listen. The worst school shooting in U.S. History. 

It's... terrifying. To see the destruction that life can be capable of. 

Rest Easy, to those that have been killed.

Happy Heart Day, kiddies.

I can't tell if I'm becoming sick or I am frustrating myself so much that I feel sick. I can't go a full day without falling asleep by 3 in the afternoon. I would think it's mono if not for: 1. I have not kissed anyone or swapped spit in any other way of sharing soda cans or eating utensils and 2. I have none of the other symptoms. I don't really want to go to the doctor about it, either, because they will probably just say it is stress, and I don't want to waste money for them to tell me that. I know I am stressed out enough by myself thank you. However, this has been going on for a while now and I am starting to think something might really be wrong. Hmm.

I have just realized how long this next semester is going to be. This high school is so suffocating that it is driving me insane. If I can make it through these next 6 months then I think I will be ok. It's going to be tough, and a lot is riding on this half a year. Keep my grades up, get into WaC, do not punch anyone. That last one will be the toughest, I think, Ha ha. I just want out of here so badly. Senoritis at it's worst, I suppose, and I am not even a senior! And at the end of the school year... there is a special event at the end of the school year. So tangible, yet sooooo nebulous. The wait is killing me.

I am finally going to work again! My jerkface boss said he wasn't giving me hours because I asked off all the times they had banquets. Bullshit you jerk I only ask off on Thursdays and there are never parties on Thursdays.  Besides, I can see the schedule and I can see when I ask off. The only reason I am staying there is because the pay is really good and it is the only safe place I can work as a bartender next year. I'm trying to get a second job, but I am having a little bit of troubles finding somewhere that is cool to work, i.e. a coffee shop that is not Shitbucks.

My [mom's] goal [for me] is to make $10,000 by next year for college. Only $6,200 to go. 

I finally finished The Seven Types of Ambiguity by Elliot Perlman and it is one of the best contemporary books I have ever read. Who knew there were real writers still left in the world? It sort of scared me on how much I could relate with some of the characters, but I suppose that shows just how realistic they were written. And how Perlman writes in two storylines of the same plot. Superb. The ending was sad, but I guess that is just because I am young and naive. It reminded of how much I miss my dad. 

And just to let you know:

Ze question still remains. Should it become a shirt?

It's funny how there are times in life where everything seems to come together and you just sit back and say, "Oh man, it makes so much more sense now!" 

Of course, you can never truly know what life is completely about, but there are those moments, and man do I love them. I feel like I'm really starting to understand things.Thank goodness for Mr. Johnson. He really changed my life and it's good to be able to talk to him again. It's nice to be able to really converse with someone who truly knows what they are talking about and has a definite grasp on what it all means. 

I just recieved the choices for the courses for next year and oh man senior year has never seemed so far away. There's actually an AP English online course I'll be able to take, so I won't have to listen to Mlodzik's fatalistic narcissm! (Besides, I've been ready for an Independent Study in English for a long time now, according to Mr. J) And from talking with Mr. Johnson, it seems I have rocked the English Department of P-Town a lot more than I realized. Hell, after  chasing out the freshmen teacher--who was a complete crackpot and a joke (I can't believe she actually had a degree!)--I thought I had done a lot, but apparantly I had gotten the other teachers to actually ask Mr. Johnson about something he had been trying to tell them for 8 years. It's just... whoa. I'm affecting a whole heck of a lot more than I thought I was. Guess I'm not as insignificant as I believed!

And as much as I am glorifying senior year, I cannot wait for it to come. The way it looks now, it's becoming more and more like a transition from high school to college year, which my high school generally doesn't do. I'm sorry Pewaukee, but do you not understand that not everyone wants to go to UW Madison??? It amazes me how... surprised people react to when I say I want to go to Washington College in Maryland. Mostly they expect me to go to Madison, but they are also sure that I will get homesick and come back. 

Psh. You guys are silly. Sure, I may miss my family sometimes, because that it natural, but I will definitely not come crying back home because I can't handle myself in the real world. Time, please go a little faster, so I will be able to go to college and get out of this narrow-mindedness! 

But I am excited for the Speech class that I am going to be taking next semester instead of Spanish IV. That is a definite plus! 

It's funny to see how people react so strangely to optimism. Seriously.

Today's a really freakin' good day.